On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
