fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
