I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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