I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
50% drunk capacity currently
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
