I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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