i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
