you guys were way drunker than both of me
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
