dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
