he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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