you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
