So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
