I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
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