The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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