This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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