It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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