This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
