You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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