HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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