the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You pole danced in your parka.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
