I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
