DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i wish my penis had a tongue
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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