absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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