hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
