you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
