some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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