The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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