Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
