Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
