His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
