if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
