the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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