Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
