If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
