Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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