I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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