Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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