dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
