don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
