DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
