I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
