Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
