If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
