i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
