she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
