Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
