its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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