look no pants
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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