sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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