you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
