I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
