if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
