I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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