I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
